Have We got a title for you!

Welcome to the wonderful world of noble titles!

For a GENUINE bogus TITLE, you can hardly do better than shopping at Honest Tero's Title Emporium, aka the court of His Serene Highness John IV, the Grand Duke in Finland, ie. yours truly.

I'm a GENUINE FOUNT OF HONOUR, accepted by DNRC, the world's leading commission for evaluating royal and noble titles. As soon as Dogbert takes over the world, I will be SOVEREIGN GRAND DUKE OF FINLAND and utterly beyond the disapprobation of certain small-minded individuals. And so will you, if you send me vast sums of money for a GENUINE FAKE FEUDAL TITLE!!!

I have, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, available a nice selection of AUTHENTIC ANCIENT SCANDINAVIAN FEUDAL TITLES, previously held by a little old Lady who only used them to get a good seat in church. ACT NOW and receive a certificate with a genuine hand-calligraphed Sign Manual ABSOLUTELY FREE OF CHARGE!!!

Don't forget Our unbeatable UNCONDITIONAL 100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE: All Our titles guaranteed fake or 100% of YOUR MONEY BACK!!! What other gongmonger can offer you this?

We also accept all major credit cards. Mail Us your credit card, and We will charge you a suitable honorarium.

Questions and Answers

Q: This all sounds very well, but why are you doing business as John and not Tero? Are you using a fake name?
A: I have chosen to assume the throne under my second name instead of my first, to avoid confusion with any other soi-disant royal personages called with various versions of the name Terence. My christian names are Tero Juhani, ie. Finnish forms of Terence John.

Q: So how come you are living in Finland? Isn't Finland a republic? Republics usually take a dim view on pretenders to their (defunct) throne.
A: I have sworn to the government of the Republic that I will neither attempt to seize the throne myself nor knowingly assist anyone in an attempt to overthrow the Republic. So if you have plans of overthrowing the government and offering me the throne, please don't tell me. I remember what happened to the last Grand Duke who broke his oath. Hence, I am Grand Duke in Finland, not of Finland.

Q: I'm convinced you are the real thing! Where can I find out more?
A: I may update my webpage if I feel like it. Meanwhile, please send lots of money to me so I can have crowns and robes made for myself and Her Serene Highness, Grand Duchess Judith.

Q: Can I pick my own title?
A: Within reason, yes. The more money you give the more choices you have. I'm sorry but you can't be styled "of Finland".

Looking forward to doing business with the connoisseurs of noble titles,

:IOHANNES:4:D:G:MAGNVS:DVX:FINLANDIAE:
(previously known as Mr. Tero Heikkinen)

PS. Just in case you are wondering, this is probably a joke. But you should send me lots of money anyway.
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Latest update: 1 April 2002